Inspired by those good government employees over at NPR, I thought I'd do my own annotated version of Trump's inaugural address before I read their version. All timecodes were taken from this video. "But wait, this isn't about the media at all!" you might say. "You've already written about Trump!" you also might say.
My blog, my rules.
0:08: At least the president has figured out the Thumbs Up sign. That'll help him communicate after his administration plunges us into a state of ruin and a righteous civil war erupts. I want to watch I Am Legend?
0:22: Are his fingers glued together? Why does he talk about the former presidents and Americans and the people of the world differently? I'll bet this is going to be sup
0:25: UPDATE: Fingers not glued together.
0:55: Didn't you ever see Dead Poets Society? Don't ever use words like "very" or "many," it makes it look like you don't know a better word to describe exactly what you're talking about or you're just lazy.
1:05: Something about power or something. I should watch Dead Poets Society again. Go Obama!
1:32: Came back from a shot of Obama and now there are army men all over! (Wait, no, Marines are navy men.)
1:49: "We are transferring power... back to you, the people." Didn't you just say we all, including you, were the people? Nice accentuating though.
2:07: Now you're gonna talk about a small group of people reaping the rewards of government, Mr. Nepotism?
3:10: Nope, this isn't all of our moment. Just yours.
3:33: Are they even trying to find POC they can put onscreen, or are there actually none there?
3:54: You keep saying "The People." Not sure if you know what that word means.
4:06: Technically, that's called Communism. I'm way in for it, but are you?
4:35: Trump announcing his huge revolutionary movement, followed by light applause.
4:49: Ahhhhhhh here comes the Nationalism. Gotcha.
5:30: Wow, I didn't know our education system was "flush with cash!" I'll have to go out and ask for a raise on Monday.
5:50: Even if you talk about "unrealized potential" I still don't want you as my guidance counselor.
6:07: "Hey Hil, I don't know if I get this guy's jokes."
6:18: Christ on a cracker, control your pronouns man!
6:30: Yes, I'm still petty enough to notice that you just said you were going to take the Oath of Office later even though you took it six and half minutes ago.
7:30: Something something you don't wanna do no foreign aid because the United States can live as an island and we don't need nobody else.
8:03: Wow, that good quote again about only looking to the future! I'm glad we're not learning from history.
8:06: This woman is not buying your shit, dude. Quick, throw it to your son and the alt right brigade!
8:39: Well, that's a big declaration.
9:10: Actually saying that all the other nations on earth are out to steal America's jobs has to be good for foreign affairs, right?
9:32: Glad to hear he's never going to let me down.
10:15: Wait, why is he talking about railways? He just said something about rebuilding our country and getting people off of Welfare, does he want to have his own WPA?
10:53: Foreign Affairs again, huh.
11:08: Showing this turbaned man nodding is not an accident, especially considering that the next words are about "radical Islamic terrorism."
11:53: "When you open your heart to Patriotism, there is no room for prejudice." Annnnnnnnd straight into the Bible. What is even happening?
12:18: THERE! HE SAID IT! "WE MUST ALWAYS PURSUE SOLIDARITY." For those of you following along at home, that's not great.
12:50: "Most importantly, we will be protected by God." What the fuck? Is Trump going to start a church show after this? I can't blame him, there's good money in it, but wow.
13:20: Now talking about politicians who are always talking but never doing anything about it. This is a bizarre moment.
14:16: Now he's talking about space and the future, which is odd. I like space and the future, but I don't like them being put ahead of domestic peace and well-being.
15:24: Something or other, nationalism and things.
16:00: Yeah, I don't wanna do this any more. Go America, it'll be Great someday.